catholic family faith

Developing a Catholic Marinade for Living a Catholic Lifestyle

I recently attended a symposium on adolescent catechesis.  Bishop Richard Malone of Portland, Maine, gave one of the presentations.  He talked about our need for a new Catholic Marinade.  He shared that back when neighborhoods were the center of activity, the parish was the focus of opportunities in Catholic neighborhoods.  Everything centered around parish life.  Religious education and school; picnics and neighborhood celebrations; clubs for men, women, and children; all of it originated and flowed from the parish.  With the parish as the center of activity, families were immersed in Catholic life.  Families regularly went to confession together.  Mass was an obligation you just didn't miss, no matter what.  Families attended parish events and activities because that's all there was to do.

I agree with Bishop Malone.  It goes beyond the activities.  Because they were always with other Catholics, children were "marinated" in a Catholic way of life.  Yes, they received formal training through religious education or Catholic school, but it went beyond the formal education.  They were steeped in Catholic life - they learned how to live as Catholics by watching their parents and their parents' friends live.

In our 21st century culture, the neighborhood is no longer the center of activity.  There are many, many more opportunities than just parish activities.  Families move from home to work to school to baseball to gymnastics to piano lessons to dance lessons to soccer to football to cheerleading to Mass to religious education to...  The list could be endless - and it often is for many families.  This seemingly unlimited variety of opportunities means that families are no longer drawn to the parish as the center of their activities.  Unless parents are intentional about creating a Catholic atmosphere in their home, children are no longer steeped - marinated - in a Catholic way of life.

This brings me to the question of "What is a Catholic lifestyle?"  What does it mean to live a Catholic way of life in our 21st century culture?  We should know what a Catholic lifestyle looks like in order to develop a new Catholic Marinade. 

Click on "Comments" to share what you think it means to live a Catholic lifestyle and the ingredients that should be included in a Catholic Marinade.

Bedtime Faith Formation

As a Director of Parish Formation (religious education), I usually spend a lot of the month of May evaluating the last school year and planning for the next year.  Each year, I struggle with ending religious education classes because faith formation is continual, life-long, never-ending, ever-present.  As I was praying about my frustrations with our focus on faith formation as a "class" process following a school year model, the Holy Spirit blessed me with a thought that I now want to share with all parents:  Bedtime Faith Formation! 

Here's how Bedtime Faith Formation works:

At the end of each day, parents prepare their children for bed.  Most families have a bedtime process.  When my daughters were young (they are 18 and 20 now), after dinner as I cleaned up and put the dinner things away, they would play.  I let them out of dinner clean up because I felt they needed some play time, especially after they started school.  After dinner clean up and play time, they each had a bath.  When they were small and I still bathed them, we would play water games.  I loved to wrap their wiggly wet bodies into dry towels and carry them to their rooms to put on their pajamas.  Then we would have a snack, maybe watching a good TV show or video.  Then we would head to one of the bedrooms for a bedtime story.  Usually, it was Mom's and Dad's bed because it was the biggest.  After story, we said our prayers.  Then lights out and quiet.  (Well, sometimes there were some silly words and giggles shared or some "Mom, I'm thirsty" after lights out.)

For us and for most families, bedtime is a ritual.  In fact, "experts" say that having a bedtime ritual helps children wind down so that when they are finally in bed, they are ready to sleep without the "Mom, I'm thirsty" syndrome.

We could say that our bedtime rituals are traditions.  Our Catholic faith is a lifestyle of traditions.  Liturgy is a tradition.  Sacraments are traditions.  Reading the Holy Scriptures is a tradition.  Praying shared prayers, like the Our Father and Hail Mary, is tradition.  Bedtime Faith Formation incorporates our faith traditions into our bedtime rituals. 

As you give your child his bath in the evening, remind him of his baptism.  When you pour water over his head to rinse his hair, say something like, "You know, when you were baptized, the priest poured water over your head and said, 'I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.'"  Ask your child, "When do we pray these words, 'In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit'?"  Do this often enough and he will associate water and the Sign of the Cross with remembering his baptism.

As you put your child's pajamas on her, talk about all the things for which you are thankful:  Clothes, pajamas, Mom and Dad, grandparents, siblings, food, etc.  For each thing, give thanks to God.  This will help your child to recognize that God is the giver of all good gifts and that it is good for her to give thanks to God every day.

As you share a snack, talk about the things that happened to family members that day.  Give thanks to God for the good and fun.  Ask God for guidance and comfort for the difficult and sad.

Mix Bible stories into your bedtime stories repertoire.  Your child will begin to call for his favorite Bible stories along with his other favorite stories.

As you tuck your child into bed, share prayers together.  Say "Thank you" to God (you can never give God too much thanks); pray for family members, friends, and neighbors; ask God to take away fears and hold your child in His hand as she sleeps.

I believe that if Catholic parents incorporate some faith formation into their bedtime rituals - and other daily activities - children will grow up to know and believe that their Catholic faith is special, precious, life-long, never-ending, ever-present, and a wonderful gift.  Then religious education will be primarily a household/family activity, and parents will become their children's best and most favorite catechists.

Lord's Day Faith Chat - Third Sunday of Easter - April 18, 2010

Jesus came over and took the bread and gave it to them, and in like manner the fish.  (John 21:13)

Here is Jesus, the Resurrected One, God, serving the disciples bread and fish.  Instead of idly sitting on a throne with angels and others serving him, the King of Kings is making a charcoal fire on a beach and feeding his friends.  What an example for us!

Jesus goes on to stress to Peter that he should "Feed my lambs; tend my sheep; feed my sheep."  With his words and his example, Jesus makes it clear that we are to serve God's people. 

Each and every day, we have opportunities to serve others.  Some are great acts of service and love, but most are simple.  But even in their simplicity, our acts of service and love can have a profound impact on the people around us and, ultimately, our world.  Your simple smile has the potential to turn someone's despair into hope, which in turn can impact them to hug someone with whom they previously had an argument, which in turn causes the hugged person's heart to soften and then share some kind words with a neighbor, which brightens their day and...  The cycle goes on and on. 

Mother Teresa wisely said, "In this life we cannot do great things.  We can only do small things with great love."  In today's gospel, Jesus shows us that by simply preparing and serving breakfast, Peter's heart was opened to God's love so that he could tend and feed God's sheep, the people of God.

Faith Chat Question:  What helps you to know what God wants you to do in your life?  For what are you grateful this week?

Household Activity:  Sometime this week, make a meal with your family's favorite breakfast food (if mornings are difficult, eat breakfast for dinner.)  Involve everyone in the preparations.  As you share this meal, imagine that Jesus is eating with your family.  Have some fun making up conversations as if Jesus was there and participating in the conversations.  What would you say to him, ask him?  What might he say to you?

Pray:  Risen Jesus, help us to recognize and appreciate the food and family with which you bless us.  Amen.

Mid-Autumn Hookey Day

Everyone I've talked to this week has said the same thing..."I'm tired!"  Despite getting eight hours of sleep, they say that they still feel fatigued.  Children are whiny.  Teens are emotional wrecks.  Tempers are short.  Tears are close.  Illnesses abound.  Students and teachers and catechists and co-workers are calling in sick.  Schools are closing due to significant numbers of absences.

So here's my suggestion:

We need time off.  We need a retreat.  We need a MID-AUTUMN HOOKEY DAY!

Sometimes families just need to get away from the world for a while.  With a Hookey Day, parents call in sick to work.  They call their kids in absent from school.  The family sleeps in, then snuggles through the day as they play board games or watch movies.  They don't leave the house.  They drink hot cocoa.  They eat comfort food, like tomato soup and grilled cheese, macaroni 'n cheese, chili, or anything warm and comforting.  

  Who says Sundays are the only days of rest?  And, quite honestly, too many of us don't really rest on Sundays.  We clean our houses, or go visiting, or work, or do homework, or come up with something else to do.  That's why we need a Mid-Autumn Hookey Day. 

A Mid-Autumn Hookey Day has to be a surprise day off.  I cannot be a planned day off from school or work.  Planned days off are usually filled with other things to do, but a Hookey Day is totally free.

So take a break from life and re-connect with your family on a Mid-Autumn Hookey Day!  (And don't feel guilty about making that "sick" call!)

My Tattered, Flimsy, Stuffed Kitten

What was your favorite childhood toy?
Submitted by A Pretty:Simple Life.

I had a white stuffed kitten.  I slept with that kitten every night.  I took it wherever I went, even to friends' houses.  It got tattered and flimsy, but I loved it.  Then, one day, my dad's hunting dog got loose in the house and shredded my tattered, flimsy, stuffed kitten.  While I love animals, I really hated that dog that day.  I remember crying and yelling at him.  I think it took my mom and dad hours to calm me down!

Children often have a favorite toy to which they cling.  Whatever it is - a blanket, stuffed animal, or some other thing - it helps them get through scary times, unsure times, dark times, and helps them to celebrate good times.  A childhood toy holds secrets that no one will ever know, a best friend who will never, ever retell those secrets.

In a way, those childhood toys help children learn about God and prayer.  Like those comforting toys, God helps children - and adults - get through scary times, unsure times, dark times, difficult times.  God gives children reasons to celebrate.  And God never, ever retells secret confidences mentioned in prayer.

So parents, don't try to take away those well-loved toys and things from your children too early.  Humans need something physical to grasp onto that represents and reminds them that God is with them always.

"Whoever wishes to come after me...must take up his cross..."

In the Gospel of Mark for the 24th Sunday in Ordinary Time 2009, Jesus says, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.  For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and that of the gospel will save it."  (Mark 8:35)

As I reflected on this during Mass this weekend, the thought struck me that the idea of the cross would have been very difficult, painful, confusing for the people of Jesus' time.  Crucifixion by cross was the primary method that the Romans used to torture non-Roman dissenters.  The roadways around Jerusalem often had rebels hanging from crosses, rough crossbeams nailed to trees.  These crucifixions were very public, to attempt to dissuade other rebels.  So for Jesus to say that to follow him meant to take up one's cross would be very challenging for his listeners.

What would I have felt if I lived then as I heard Jesus say, "To follow me, you must deny yourself and take up your cross?"  I don't want to be nailed to a tree!  I don't want to die a horrible, suffocating death!  Why would I have to do that to be a disciple of Jesus?

While we in the 21st century do not have to literally carry a cross, be nailed to and hang from a cross, we do have crosses that we can, and should, bear in Jesus' name.  Our parish priest asked the congregation, "What crosses do you bear?"  I immediately thought of all the parents who deny their own wants and needs for the best interests of their children:  sleepless nights staying up with a frightened or sick child; eating macaroni and cheese at least three times a week; staying home rather than going out with friends; driving all around town rather than sitting quietly at home...the list could go on and on. 

Parents are such a profound experience of God to their children.  By their unconditional love, they express God's love for their children.  By their sacrifices, taking up their crosses, they show their children that they are the most important thing in their lives, just as God showed us that we are the most important things in God's life by coming to earth and becoming human.

Parenting is such an overwhelming responsibility, an amazing ministry.  May all parents find strength in the example and love of Christ Jesus, as they take up their crosses and sacrifice themselves for their children.

Catholic Family Interests & Issues

In order to help me improve my blog, I'm inviting families to share their interests and issues that they are facing.

What challenges is your family currently facing?  Job loss, divorce, getting along, adult children moving out, school issues, others...

What does your family like to do?  What helps you stay connected?

What would you like to learn or do to better live as followers of Jesus Christ and members of the Catholic Church?

What are your hopes and dreams?

Share your thoughts and suggestions by clicking "Comments" at the end of this post.  Then watch catholicfamilyfaith.com for ideas, suggestions, prayers, and more.

The Prodigal Son, the Forgiving Father, and the Jealous Brother

This story can be found in Luke 15:11-32.

We all know the story of the prodigal son, the son who asked his father for his share of the inheritance so that he could go off and see the world.  We know what happened when the son ran out of money and decided to return home and ask his father for forgiveness.  We know how, when the father saw his son returning, he ran down the road to greet him back.  Then he dressed his son in royal clothing and threw a party.

We know that this part of the story is a reminder for us parents to be forgiving of them even if they go against our wishes.  We also should be like the forgiving father in that we need to let our children make their own mistakes, just as we did, despite how difficult it is to let them go.  Our love for our children should be unconditional.

We know what happened with the prodigal son and the forgiving father.  But what about the jealous brother?  Did he accept his father's invitation and go into the party or did he hold a grudge against his brother?  And what happened after the party?  Did the prodigal son stay on the straight-and-narrow?  Did they all live happily-ever-after?

How would you respond if your child was the prodigal son or daughter?  Would you be as tolerant and forgiving as the father in this parable?

How do you think your kids would respond if they were the brother or sister who stayed while their sibling went off to see the world only to return after losing everything? 

While we hear this story in the cycle of Mass readings of the Liturgical Year, often we don't take the time to really ponder it and apply it to our lives.  This story is rich with conversational pieces for parents and children, especially teens.  Take some time to ask the question of yourself, your spouse, and your kids:  What would you do?  How would you react?

The Bible contains all kinds of conversational items for families.  I am hoping to offer a Bible story each week for at least the next year as a conversational piece for families.  I hope you enjoy the stories and the conversations you may have with your family members as you explore these stories more.

Advice to a High School Senior...

There's more life beyond the now, today.  More ups.  More downs.  New friends and old friends.  Even some not-so-nice people.  More crazy times.  And calm times.  Anticipation.  And remembering. 

Savor every moment.  In the hard times, take a deep breath and look for a better time, and end to the difficulty.  Celebrate the good times with every molecule of your self. 

Cherish friendships, especially those with kindred spirits, people who like the things you like.  (You will meet more people who like what you like!)

And no matter what you are facing, know that you are not alone!

Back to School Supplies...Don't Forget Jesus!

This is the time of year when families are busy getting all the stuff that the students in their households need for going back to school.  New clothes & shoes (that fit), pencils, crayons, markers, notebooks, folders, binders, backpacks, lunch boxes...the list really could go on and on.  With all these back to school supplies, don't forget the most important supply of all...

Jesus!

While students need certain items to get a good start to the school year, the one most basic and essential need is a student's connection to Jesus! 

New clothes and shoes can help students feel good about how they look on the first day of school.  Jesus can help students feel good about who they are every moment of every day of their lives.

Pencils, pens, crayons, and markers can help students write and draw and express themselves.  Jesus can help students realize all the unique and creative gifts that they can use to be who God created them to be.

Notebooks, folders, and binders can help students hold together their papers and stay organized.  Jesus can help students hold together their feelings and emotions and de-stress so that they can better focus on what is important.

Backpacks and lunch boxes can help students carry around all their stuff.  Jesus can help students carry around all the love that God and their families have for them.

So don't let the students in your household start the new school year without their most important supply...Jesus!